I have never seen anyone with an extreme form of ED in the flesh… I’m sad, angry, disgusted … and in pain watching the little body struggle - What’s worse is to imagine the internal struggle happening every second of the day and how powerless this woman has become to her disease. I recently read the book ‘appetites’ by Caroline Knapp (and then her sequel, Drinking: A Love Story - Did you know that ED and alcohol abuse often go hand in had?) where Caroline writes about her struggles with anorexia where she goes home every day to savor a dinner of a sliced apple and cube of cheese - a two hour ritual for her. 
It’s so powerful to see that struggle in person - A powerful reminder.  We are taught from a young age to help people in need - I feel helpless knowing this should be one of those times but that’s just not how our society works… or could it? Hiding in the morning hours - shame and hunger. Hope this inspires you to love your body too. E

I have never seen anyone with an extreme form of ED in the flesh… I’m sad, angry, disgusted … and in pain watching the little body struggle - What’s worse is to imagine the internal struggle happening every second of the day and how powerless this woman has become to her disease. I recently read the book ‘appetites’ by Caroline Knapp (and then her sequel, Drinking: A Love Story - Did you know that ED and alcohol abuse often go hand in had?) where Caroline writes about her struggles with anorexia where she goes home every day to savor a dinner of a sliced apple and cube of cheese - a two hour ritual for her. 

It’s so powerful to see that struggle in person - A powerful reminder.  We are taught from a young age to help people in need - I feel helpless knowing this should be one of those times but that’s just not how our society works… or could it? Hiding in the morning hours - shame and hunger. Hope this inspires you to love your body too. E

Barley awake and walking to the gym at 6AM and reading some tumblr posts by my buddy Joe aka snackmasterflex! “You cannot find motivation you must create it!” - Well put joe, at 6AM I have to think motivation is a snoozin for many and while this is only day two of what is an intimidating training program — today is a success!

45 Min on the bike and strength - And I am looking forward to my delish cereal breakfast at the end!

Barley awake and walking to the gym at 6AM and reading some tumblr posts by my buddy Joe aka snackmasterflex! “You cannot find motivation you must create it!” - Well put joe, at 6AM I have to think motivation is a snoozin for many and while this is only day two of what is an intimidating training program — today is a success!

45 Min on the bike and strength - And I am looking forward to my delish cereal breakfast at the end!

Triathlon Training Day 1!

OK! Time to find some motivation - I know it’s in here somewhere, except I’m having a hard time locating it. The triathlon (take two) is only 8 weeks away - and it’s been a while since I’ve been regimented in my exercise (which from where I’m standing - is actually progress, since I’m not feeling bad or guilty about it).

That being said, I was SUPER excited about this whole triathlon thing last year when I first signed up - and this is no time to give up on that excitement! I have 8 weeks to get into shape for a 1/4mile swim, 12 mile bike and 3 mile run!! And not only will I have Mike cheering for me at the finish line - I’m also doing the race with one of my best friends, Brittany!

So, it’s time it’s time it’s time, find that spirit Evona! I’ve got a 30 min run to complete tonight for Day 1 (technically day 2 according to the training plan but yesterday was Memorial Day and I was pooped from a weekend of camping :)

Gone running!

A moment of therapy clarity … Finding LovEvona

A moment of therapy clarity

I’m currently walking off an aching hip from a 3 mile run this evening - I promised Isabella I would go home after our appointment today and do something uplifting and positive … it was an emotional session, but a great one for great one for sure.  There are moments in therapy of extreme clarity - where it all clicks and you’re able to understand why you struggle with certain things in life and why certain problems seem to come back just when you think you’ve got them under control.  In short - its probably because you have yet to tackle the root of the problem! Over the past year, when working with Lauren on ED and now Isabella - I have had a few of these moments, and they have all felt like a stepping stone, each bringing me closer to understanding myself and as a result, giving me power to change!

Crying is cliche, and I hate cliche…

Today was a crying day. I hate crying in therapy - its so cliche and I hate being cliche … but I have to admit, this cry had a purpose and it’s one step closer tacking the roots of MY struggles! The truth is - food and alcohol are only vices for a set of feelings and emotions I VERY rarely think about, and always avoid confronting.  Why?  They make me sad and ashamed and they make me angry for existing in the first place.  Instead of thinking about them and confronting them, trying to come to terms with them, I lock them in a box and hide them, deep down inside. 

The problem is, the anger and embarrassment are still there and no matter how much I try to ignore them, they find ways to come out. I express the hatred by hating my body and being ashamed of the way I look and punishing myself for the food I eat or how much by scrutinizing every aspect of what I consume.   … stuck on repeat, these thoughts are never ending (or so it seems) and depressing … so to switch them OFF and to temporarily escape myself, my destructive thoughts, I drink. I drink to feel good and confident and sexy - I drink to be the version of myself I want to feel I am in real life.

So what happens when I stop abusing alcohol and FINALLY find some control over it, like I have in the past month? … the negative thoughts take over … difficult to keep quiet and difficult to ignore … it’s the enemy within that wont quit.

Don’t be a hater! … My body will thank you.

I have never understood this before - I have never understood the cycle in this way … it’s sad!  I have so many things to be happy about and so many wonderful and loving people in my life … Funny how these opposite worlds can live as one experience - both very real aspects of my life.  As with most things, it’s much easier to focus on the negative - it’s human nature! It’s easy to hate my body and all too consuming - a thought that latches itself onto every moment … The reflection in the mirror in the bathroom, the feeling of my belt tighten against my skin when I sit down, noticing curves and bulges and feeling rotten about them …

LovEvona, Im coming for you!

Now more than ever, I feel like I KNOW what the problem is - I see it for what it is and I understand how it functions.  SO??!! NOW - I need to breathe life into LovEvona - The cheerleader in me, who screams, shouts and dances spirit in the face or this devilish opponent - it’s ON!  I’m determined! It’s the only way I can escape the shackles that food and alcohol dependencies have had on me for good and put an end to this vicious cycle! What an amazing year it has been to find myself at a point now, where I feel like I’m in control - like I have the power - like I CAN do it. Bring it on!

Soak up the SUN! April 2K12

I woke up at 6AM today and felt like I was READY to START MY DAY! I love waking up extra early and seizing those wee morning hours … almost like I get to sneak a part of the day that are normally snoozed or dreaded by a ringing alarm clock!  A cup of tea and a banana, PB & flax breakfast toast plate later, I wanted to hop on my air keys and share my sunshine filled Saturday with someone so very special :) 

After a run around Fresh Pond (I topped off 7.05Miles) Like and I packed up and headed out for a DockDayz picnic on the Charles River! Sitting on the dock with our fresh salads and some wine, I thought about how wonderful life is and what unexpected twists and turns are hiding right around the corner … Looking back, it was almost one year ago (April 24, 2011) that I was sitting on the dock, enjoying MEaster 2k11 in the sun, alone, happy and content!  Now, enjoying the same things that make me ME and HAPPY, with someone who fills my heart with love and happiness - it’s an amazing feeling! All heart and flutters!

Soaking up the sun together on our morning run!

DockDayz Picnic!

Our AWESOME healthy spread with fresh salads, hummus, carrots & wine!

SMILE BIG! :)

Vegan Sweet Potato Au Gratin {with Mushrooms & Onions}

Last night for dinner, I decided to try my hand at a sweet potato au gratin with mushroom and onions. The catch?! They had to be vegan and healthy - but of course!  To my surprise, not only was it vegan and healthy… it was delish too!  Made a great dinner served over fresh string beans and topped with cold salted tomato! Wanna give it a shot? Here’s what you’ll need:

  • 3 Med-large sweet potatoes
  • 1 Large onion
  • 10oz Mushrooms (This is a standard container of white mush at the store.  I used shiitake, feel free to experiment or use a mixture of various types!)
  • 1 bunch of green onions
  • 5-10 Tbsp Vegan mayo - Nayonaise
  • Hot sauce
  • Chili powder
  • Salt/pepper
  • Paprika
  • Breadcrumbs
  • Olive oil spray

On the side (to complete the dish):

  • Fresh green beans, boiled
  • Chopped and salted tomato

Preheat oven to 350.

First up: The ‘Au Gratin’

1.) Slice up the onion and mushrooms and throw them in a skillet over low-med heat {olive oil spray to coat} … Everything will sweat out and brown up as it’s caramelizing!

2.) Add salt/pepper and chili powder and for a creamy texture with a kick, add Nayonaise and hot sauce! (The Nayonaise will create your creamy “cheesy” texture)  I added 5 tablespoons for just enough cream, guilt free - but at 35 calories per tablespoon, feel free to add as much as you’d like till it’s at your desired creaminess level!

3.) Stir in with chopped up green onions, Mmmm.

Now it’s time for the sweet potato layers!

1.) Wash your sweet potatoes thoroughly and slice them into thin {approx 1/4 inch} slices - I chose to keep the skin on.

2.) In order to soften them up before you start layering, throw them into boiling water for 5 minutes.

3.) Next START YOUR LAYING {engines}! Sprinkle each layer with salt and pepper.

4.) Time for the creamy filling - spread out a layer of your much&onion cream:

Continue laying switching between potatoes and filling till you’re out of ingredients.  I ended up with 3 layers of potatoes and 3 layers of filling, with a mush&onion cream layer finish at the top.  Before throwing it into the oven, sprinkle on some bread crumbs (they have a lot of calories so I went very light on the breadcrumbs - you can adjust to your crumly preference).  Also add chili powder, paprika, salt and pepper!

You can play around with the top layer - whether you want potatoes or filling on top… it’s up to you!

25-35 minutes later at 350:

Finally, plated a top boiled fresh green beans and topped with chopped and salted fresh tomato:

Smacznego! Comes out to approx 90 calories for 18 of the pan! YUM!

Now go ahead and try it out and don’t be afraid to get creative! Tips? Tricks? Have an idea that kicks this dish up to the next level?! Let me know, Id love to try it!

One Year Run*iversary 5K

ONE YEAR AGO I RAN MY VERY FIRST ROAD RACE - The 1st of 6 New England Pub Series races and the 14th Annual An Ra’s M’ 5K! Close by, manageable distance, and the first of MANY races that would forever change not only that summer, but light a passion within me that would lead me to find a personal happiness I had never found or felt before!

Running, for me, is utterly and completely non-competitive! ….Not with myself, not with others .. for me, it started out and has since stayed, something I have been able to consistently enjoy and have fun with!  It’s easy to get sucked into and obsessed with running - turn it into a chore - especially for someone like myself who struggles with body image, food and compulsive behaviors … but running has stayed in that sweet spot, that place I can go for fun, for play and laughter!

AN RAS M 2K11

And ONE YEAR LATER… AN RAS M 2K12

With my handsome running buddy ;)

SMILES FOR 3.1 MILES!

And after the crossing the finish line we met up with another friend:

The race was GREAT! Made it under 30min at a 9.17 min/mile pace!

Race season is officially ON! I can’t WAIT to go at it again :D … SO many great races coming up!

The Otherside Cafe Boston - Veganized

Every month or so, my friends Brit and Tracy and I get together for Girls Night!A little catchup, gossip, food, drinks and of course lots of laughs! Last week we went to The Otherside Cafe in Boston - A bar/restaurant gem on Newbury St that serves a wide range of meat & veggie sandwiches, salads, soups and apps, along with a wide range of crafty beers and $12 PBR pitchers!

Their patio is a GREAT place to sit out on a warm evening, such as the one we had to enjoy that night.  Being vegan, I picked this place specifically because I knew it would have some yummy options for me - vegan cheese, avocado, vegan chili and tempeh? check, check, checkcheckcheck! It’s becoming increasingly easy to find these options everywhere I turn!

SO what exactly does a vegan meal at The Otherside look like?!

Let’s start with some vegan nachos for an app (yes, that’s vegan cheese, and YES, both Brit & Tracy had doubts about it BUT, after trying it, they thought it was a good substitute and didn’t miss the real thing too much!)

And next, a toasty BUFFALO TEMPEH SANDWICH with greens!

Both vegan and delicious… just the way I like it!

365 Days | One year of change, happiness and love :)

It’s been almost one full yer since Ive started this blog - I can say without a doubt that it has been an incredible year - In the running for the best year of my life in fact.  SO much has happened, so much has changed …

1.) I discovered and developed a passion for running and physical fitness that is not expressed through obsession - Road Races, Yoga … my first and personal half marathon!


2.) Ive {successfully} completed an 8 month program to treat my eating disorder, and while I still struggle with body image, I am currently continuing with weekly therapy and working on new issues to make even more positive changes


3.)Ive learned to eat and to stop eating and to put good and healthy food into my body, now passionate about and actively following a vegan diet - a passion I’d like to take further as a business venture


4.) Ive give life to and grown a real love for MEvona - spent time getting to know and loving MEvona time & activities - DockDayz, Cape Cod weekend racing getaway, 90 Day Challenge … living and breathing real happiness from the inside!


5.)And perhaps the biggest change and catalyst for future changes, personal goals and challenges … Ive met and fallen in love with someone so amazing and wonderful, someone kind, patient, supportive and fun.  An easy love, a peaceful love, a man who loves me for who I am … the goofy, the impatient, the spontaneous, the indecisive, the planner, the crazy, the lazy, the cuddler, the straight forward, the opinionated, the loud mouth, the blabber, the girl who wants a hug because it feels nice, no matter how late we are …


I am grateful for the time I took to get to know myself because without that, a real and honest focus on my body and mind - I would not have been ready to be a partner - half of a relationship, much much, know what it was I was looking for and what I needed.  I have never been as happy and at peace as I am right now…

Peace, love, and laughter …  I remember thinking, when I started last year, what one year later could look like … it was well worth the wait because in my wildest dreams, I could have never guessed it would look this good! ;) Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

LazyDayz Go AWAY! LENT 2012

Coming back from a bike ride with Lily after 3 straight days of laying in bed and watching TV makes me feel good, but terrible.  I am way too good at being super lazy… and it’s not something Im proud of! Thank god Lily bought a bike today and wanted to out for a ride … I would have just stayed in bed otherwise!  Instead, I got to slide!

I am not too happy with this month so far — I have yet to step inside a gym and have certainly not been out for a run! However - Im in luck - tomorrow FAT TUESDAY! And what does that mean….? LENT! Every year I take lent as an opportunity make a positive change in my life{style} … so this year, and for the next 40 {41 because I’m going to start tomorrow} days, I commit to:

  1. Exercising every single day in SOME way!
  2. Taking vitamins everyday
  3. Not eating past 9PM
  4. “Normal eating” back to Mrs. X’s plan!
  5. Kickin’ Butt!

With spring around the corner and running season approaching - it’s time to STOP being lazy and FEEL and BE the BEST I can!

xoxo

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION | FEB 2K12

Better to be a little later then never, and if you know me, I’m late to just about everything…except for when I’m annoyingly on time!  I started this 2K12 year off not quite knowing how to structure my goals and resolutions but knowing that what was most important to me, was figuring out how NOT to abandon my resolutions half way through the month only to feel defeated by lofty ambitions.  I wanted to be pro-active about this ‘new year, new you’ opportunity and really work with it - not have it work against me!

At the beginning of the year I wrote this post HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Next up in 2012 where I decided that: Each month I would create list of goals for myself to keep for the MONTH and at the end, go back, review and reevaluate! 

So here we go! These goals are not static rather always changing with time!

 

2012 Goals {IN REVIEW}:

Pay off CC debt completely and use ONLY what I have - NOT on credit
I almost half way through through and on schedule to be CC debt free by 3/1
Make body & mind a priority
Not enough emphasis on mind; Alcohol makes mind mushy
Race goals: TRI & Half Marathon
Officially signed up for the Sprint TRI July 22nd!
Reduce drinking
Time to seriously incorporate this into February
Create a budget
I started to create a budget but am more focused on paying off CC
Monthly goals/reviews
So far so good! On to this month’s goals!

 

JANUARY GOALS {IN REVIEW}:

VEGAN DIET JAN 2 - JAN - 31
AMAZING! I LOVE being Vegan!
Regular exercise [which means 5x per week]
Realized regular exercise does NOT mean 5x per week.  Let’s try 3x/week.  I did stick to 5x per week for the first 2 weeks of January but just got burned out!
Get back into Yoga [Start with 1x per week | at least 4x/Jan]
Ive gone approx 5 times in January and aiming to stick with it!

 

FEBRUARY GOALS!

  • Continue Vegan Diet with a focus on eating/snacking nutritiously
  • Passion Project: MeatLoversVegans - NonMEATup
  • Exercise 3X per week
  • Yoga 1x per week
  • Make MIND a priority (Glass of water in between drinks, pro-active weekends!)

I leave off w. this pic from last Friday … Do we look familiar?!  Almost 6 months we were 4 friends having a BLAST, rocking the runway at the RueLaLa HQ event & photoshoot! Since then .. let’s just say cupid was at work & we wont be spending Valentines Day alone this year ;)

Wishing you a WONDERFUL WEEK!


Happy 29th Birthday Momma!

Happy Birthday Momma!! Annnnd mannnnyyyy MORE!!!!

Last weekend I went back to B-lo to visit my momma for the weekend since she’d JUST turned the ripe age of 29! ;) All flattery aside Im one lucky girl because my momma looks damn good for her age and has very often gotten ‘mistaken’ for being my sis.  Im planning on aging just as gracefully - Thanks for the wonderful genes momma!

First thing, went shopping & stocked up the kitchen with lots of yummy veggies!! 

Later that night we went to Merge, a vegan friendly restaurant in the city (the only one, rather) with a meat and vegan lover’s menu to make everyone happy! And they sure did! I started out with some tea and later snagged the vegan alfredo dish with tofu squares and winter squash! It was SUPER yummy!  As I result I discovered CASHEW CREAM - a very common substitute for cheese sauce! Who knew?! I have yet to take a stab at it myself but both Mike and I excited to have a go at the cashews!

MERGE

vegan alfredo: winter squash, sage cashew cream, spinach, and fettucine (V, available GF with brown rice noodles) .. 14 

Saturday night we had some of our closest family friends over for a homestyle birthday party for Momma! It was loads of fun and so wonderful to see everyone again, and to see Momma so HAPPY!

Love you so much Momma! You are and always have been someone I am proud to learn from, even though I didnt know it for a very long time. I hope to become the same strong, courageous and inspiring woman that you have shown me how to be. All my love, can’t wait to see you on your beautiful wedding day, Ika :)

Sacco’s Flatbread & Bowl Haven in Somerville!

Last weekend, and for the first time since becoming a vegan-head, I had pizza! Vegan pizza! SO what does that mean exactly?!  It’s pizza without cheese .. duh! Sound appetizing?…it should :)  I had heard about Sacco’s Bowl Haven for a while now but, since Im not much of a fan of bowling, I never had the urge to check it out - till last weekend!  Last Friday, my friends Jess and Shannon, two of the coolest lawyers I’ll probably ever meet, and I, planned a Sacco’s night with dinner and bowling, lots of friends and fun!

Here’s Jess and I hanging out, waiting for our turn to knock over some pins!

The pizza .. was GREAT! Mike split a vegan pie with me (and while the vegan was yummy, Mike opted for the fresh Parmesan cheese on the table, to add a little pizza to his pizza ;).  The best part of this pizza was definitely the dough!  Unlike your typical pizza joint, Sacco gives a lot of TLC to the dough — rich, delicious flavor; between the dough and caramelized veggies on top, I hardly noticed a lack of cheese! See for yourself:

RIGHT??? You have to admit … you’re not thinkin ‘bout the cheese either!

I heard from a few people before going that we would have a hell of a time waiting for an open lane, especially on a Friday night … but with an hour at the table and an extra 20 minutes with brews, our lane was up and ready for us!

Here’s our KingPin - Candle Pinning Shark! Apparently if you grow in New England, you know how to candle pin bowl! He doesnt think he’s that good … but relative to our skillz he kicked our butts! … Could also be bc he was our score keeper ;)

Overall it was a GREAT way to spend a Friday night with quality food, friends and brews … I will most definitely be back!

Yogi musings - Finding your balance!

“Realize that you’ll never arrive but that you have the rest of your life to dabble” - yogi inspiration from Jane, my favorite teacher at Baptiste.

The purpose of the poses, of the discomfort involved, is to keep you mind from wandering; thinking about dinner, an upcoming weekend, work etc..  It keeps your mind focused on the present - you can’t deny that something is happening that needs your attention [your muscles are working and engaged.]  However, just as likely as your mind is to wander when you do not challenge yourself - it is JUST as likely to wander if you push your body too far - to the point where it throws it’s hands up, decides it cant do it … and grabs the next available thought in order to escape the discomfort - rather than experience the pain, it thinks about how much it can’t wait for this to be over so that you can go home and watch TV, or go to the store to grab groceries.. does that make sense?

The point is, in order for the poses to do their job, you have to find a balance, a middle ground where your body and mind can agree to fully embrace the moment and explore it’s possibilities together.  You must have intention and purpose behind everything you do - otherwise you’ll lose yourself … What does this mean? You must accept each pose as it comes, find a place in the pose that your body and mind can both interact with and work through - do not try to escape it.  It was this exact thought process that got me through yoga class tonight… I was able to move my body in a way that calmed my mind and stop it from wandering out of control as my muscles burned and my body dripped with sweat — I had completely forgot how to do this at first!

Why is this important? Learning to find this balance applies not only to yoga but to everyday life outside the studio.  Inside, I practice how to find a balance between body and mind - Outside, I use what I learn to find a balance in life, work and relationships with the people around me.

It’s a process and I can feel my body adjusting to the movement and building strength to activate the muscles needed — an exciting experience for sure.  Another class tomorrow will make 3 in a row!

For now, headed back home for some dinner and Bachelor tonight!

Namaste & Smacznego!